"oh my dear daughter, how tough it is for your generation": The epidemy of perfection on your 20´s

30-40 years ago, the '20s were the time when you were trying to eat the world. You were starting your first job, your economic independence, to be freer because you already had your own money. You were looking for an ideal partner, you were getting married, and before you were 30 you were starting to form your family, or in some cases, it was already formed. In my case personally, my parents began like many families in Latin America, whereby the time they were 30 they already had their three children, their house, and their life.

I am 25 years old, I speak 4 languages, I have studied approximately 20 years of my life, I have a degree in clinical psychology, a postgraduate degree and tyring to become a PhD candidate, however, I am sitting in my bed in my pyjamas at 11 am on a Thursday morning writing this article thinking about what I will do tomorrow?

Being 25 years old, I have not "managed" to get a job that will support me or at least cover the necessary expenses. I have not "managed" to become independent from my parents because, without their generosity, I would be living at home. I have not managed to buy my first TV, my first car... who even dares to think about a house or apartment at this age?

Likewise, in terms of relationships... today those who get married or are in a formal relationship in their 20's are the exception to the rule and for all the singles out there, meeting or forming a genuine connection has become one of the most complicated challenges of the '20s.

But why, what happened? 20-30 years ago that was done at this age... why is it so hard for this generation? I sometimes wonder if we are lazier? if we have more fears? if the economy and politics are so messed up that they messed us up too, and if people really don't want to fall in love and find their other half?

Then I come to the conclusion that it is a series of factors, not only sociodemographic or political, not only cultural, not only in our region, it is not only our fault, it is the fault of the standards that year after year are changing, increasing and demanding more and more from people, and well the most susceptible are clearly those of us who grew up in the greatest technological revolution of humanity. There is a reason why we are the generation with more anxiety, depression and eating disorders that has existed in history, nothing is stable or lasting in our lives. Starting with the Tamagochi we had as children, the iPhone chargers, the job you were given before the pandemic, or the relationship you thought would last. And well, that's how my article on unobtainable perfection begins.

According to the Cambridge dictionary, the meaning of perfection is a state in which the individual feels complete and correct in every way. This concept is quite ambiguous, but it encapsulates exactly what perfection is, something that cannot be obtained. Over the years, the difference between being our best and being perfect has been lost.

Our generation, the millennials, were born and grew up at the same time as the internet and social media. Our childhood was characterized by not being affected by them, however, our adolescence and young adulthood grew up with Hi5, MySpace, YouTube, Facebook and Instagram. With the boom of social media, the concept of perfection that each person establishes in their heads throughout their lives became more rigid, tangible and more stereotyped. For example, the perfect appearancence includes images like these:

Not only there is a definition of what it is to be perfect, but it can already be seen in a stereotyped image. The concept becomes rigid, clear and in fact, it can be seen on all platforms and spaces around our lives. According to several pieces of research on eating disorders, in the year 2000, the prevalence of these was 3.5% (when there were no social networks and the access to the internet was not as easy as it is today). Between the years 2013-2018, the figure doubled to 7.8%, which means that today almost 8% of the world's female population suffers and lives with the most deadly mental health problem of all (anorexia or bulimia). Today, we are bombarded 24/7 with stories about how perfect health, perfect body, perfect life, lead to happiness. For example, if you google health magazines, you will only find fit people with incredible bodies who look really happy without any problems. In fact, in most of these magazines, the goal is to turn you into them, to share tips on how to be "perfect", rather than to be your best.

I'm not saying exercise is not a great way to feel good and be healthy. But these bodies portray what being "desirable" in today´s society is, however, for most people, these perfect bodies are something unattainable for several reasons, which automatically turns most people into something "undesirable" and that is where the comparison and struggle begins. Day by day, we are exposed to "perfection". Every time we use social media we see happy people, with spectacular bodies, on the best vacations, eating incredible food, having the most stable relationships, while one´s still in bed updating the page thinking about why I don't have this?

Research has shown that frequent exposure to social networks not only increases levels of anxiety and depression. They also distort our body image, increase our FOMO (fear of missing out), and drastically reduce our self-esteem.

Social media are not the only sources that have led to this incessant search for perfection. Several types of research claim that having a college degree ensures a better quality of life. However, 20 or 30 years ago, not going to college did not mean that your quality of life would be worse, it was just a decision that some people made and still managed to form their businesses or work for certain companies. For those who decided to get a college education, having a job after graduation was almost promised, saving was feasible and becoming financially independent was the rule. Nowadays, not investing in your studies means not having a chance. All jobs require not only a college degree but also a postgraduate degree and years of experience. That's why many 17-18-year-olds decide to enter careers they don't even like, just because they have to. Additionally, because of the way things have occurred (let´s not mention the current situation of the coronavirus), being a college or master's student is knowing that when you graduate you are going to be unemployed for a long period of time.

This makes us a generation characterized by feelings of uncertainty, which has not only invested time, energy and money in quality education but also does not know if the hard work and effort will generate any kind of result. Therefore, if we ask and survey people in their 20's about anxiety and depression, uncertainty and fear of the future is a common denominator. Taking all of this into account, college costs have doubled and even tripled in most countries, not only leaving many of the recent graduates with unpayable debts, but we are also destined to live at home with our parents until we miraculously get a job that gives us the opportunity to be independent. This again contributes to the uncertainty and constant thoughts about... what´s the point?

obtained from: https://thesoundingline.com/why-inflation-is-much-worse-than-the-headline-numbers-suggest/

When I hear stories from my parents about what relationships were like back on their days, I am a little envious. People really had to work hard and learn how to miss your girl/guy. To get someone´s number they had to show a lot of interest, call to their houses at certain times of the day and most of all, they had absolutely no idea what their partner was doing throughout the day. There was a certain mystery, which increased the interest and more than anything the effort that was invested. Today, we can know 24/7 what others are doing, we can know in real-time where they are and with whom. If we are interested in someone, there are probably 10 different ways you can contact them, which means that there are also 10 different ways they can reject you.

This has turned interpersonal and couple relationships into a competition about who is less interested, which has made many people avoid all kinds of emotional closeness for fear of being hurt. We are trying to finding that person who will text you and keep an eye on you, but who is not always available. Who looks physically really attractive, but is not pursued by many people. Who tells you about their life, but who is not dependent or needy. This leaves us again in a state of uncertainty and lack of clarity, which as we saw before, is a constant variable in our lives.

So far I think I can make a small list of things that most people in their 20s have felt:

-the need to always look good in order to be accepted

-being afraid of commitment and rejection

-feeling a constant uncertainty or wondering every day, what I am doing?

-comparing yourself with other people in social networks (in physical, professional, relational, academic terms)

-feeling that there is always something else or additional to do (wanting to achieve that perfection)

-having anxiety or depression

But where do we stand with all this?

There are many articles that label the new generations and the millennials as individualists and narcissists, but what we must question is, how much the perfectionism to which we have been dragged by technological and social changes, has forced us to forget about the collectivism that ruled society years ago. Yes, we are a more individualistic and selfish generation, but also one with greater levels of anxiety, depression and eating disorders, and this has been due to the fact that we have been exposed to environments and variables that have activated these disorders. Our personalities have been shaped by the global, political and economic crises of recent years, the unattainable perfection of social networks, the uncertainty around all areas of our lives, the bombardment of negative information filtering into our brains every day, and the lack of emotional connection in today's interpersonal relationships.

Fortunately, not everything is negative, we are the first generation to stand up against social, racial and generational injustices. We are the first generation that is tired and is breaking the standards of beauty and body image. We are the first generation that does not question the rights of all people regardless of ethnicity or sexual orientation. And we are the first generation that, from our own experience, places great importance on mental health.

Therefore, despite all the factors that have been shaping and affecting our general well-being, our quality of life and our mental health throughout our developmental years, we are a strong generation that knows how to be resilient and that, despite living on constant uncertainty and change, knows how to get up and reinvent itself every day. That is why it is important to continue emphasizing social and cultural changes. Continue to fight for social justice, for the rights of all people and most of all for our own mental health. We are a generation that has the power to use its own enemy (social networks), to develop a new type of social consciousness.

It is important to continue to generate change, to encourage self-care and self-esteem. To change the canons and dysfunctional patterns of thought that have made us "the most individualistic generation", and to be the generation that promotes mental health in people. We have the power to generate positive and healthy ideals that can change someone else's life just with the click of a button.

Therefore, despite growing up in the era where we were bombarded with false advertising about what perfection means, let's learn to use our mistakes, fears and above all, that uncertainty that characterizes us, to become the best version of ourselves. That instead of focusing on a specific goal in the future that will make us more "perfect", let us live and appreciate what we have achieved and that many times for others would be their definition of "perfect".

And finally, I close with the words of my father "oh my dear daughter, how tough it is for your generation ". Yes it is, and it will always be, but this makes us stronger, more resilient and above all, it has proudly made us agents of change.

Daniela Uría